CRAZY TALES FROM UBER & LYFT DRIVERS

Author photoBy Michele Washburn

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People are strange. Luckily, 95% of our fellow human beings have a basic understanding of  hygiene, decent manners and are generally safe to be around, but when you’re a rideshare driver for Uber or Lyft, the odds are ever in the favor of you having to deal with that … unique 5%, the folks who are not quite as sophisticated, refined or, at the least, sober as the rest of us.

Now, it’s our job to make sure our passengers arrive at their destination safely regardless of who they are, where they come from or where they’re going, but sometimes that means you’ll have to deal with some odd shenanigans. Here’s what a few drivers had to say about their wildest rides.

 

BRING THE PARTY

“It was a Tuesday afternoon, no holiday or nothing that would justify having a drink in public. This guy steps in my car, looks like he’s been crying. He says he’s going to a party at the park and, when I look in the rearview mirror I see he is chugging from a bottle of vodka, like it was water. I told him he can’t do that and that I’d report him if he didn’t put that away. He doesn’t stop drinking the entire time I say this. I watched this guy house down an entire quarter of this bottle completely unfazed, honestly it was impressive. He puts the bottle in his backpack, apologized and said he just needed to “pre-game” before the party. I don’t know how he managed to keep it down. There was nobody at the park where I dropped him off, he must have been a one-man party. Don’t be that guy.” – Steve, Minneapolis

 

FORGOT A TOWEL

“I live near a pretty popular campsite that attracts a lot of folks from the city, so it’s not unusual for some really dirty riders to grace my backseat after a long weekend with zero bathing. This particular rider is different. I thought it was a hoax at first. I pull up to the pickup location and see a man literally covered with mud from head to toe. He kept waving at me like he thought he was really about to get into my car. I opened my window and asked if he was hurt or in danger, why else would anyone be completely filthy like he was? This guy just said he forgot a towel. I don’t think he’d clean up after ten towels. I told the guy there’s no way he’d get in my car like that and he acted all dumbfounded. Thank God we can refuse passengers.”  – Grace, Yellow Rock.

 

SILENT BATMAN

“A woman gets in my car dressed up like Batman. Not Batgirl, I know the difference. She was dressed up like Batman from the sixties, Adam West. I told her as soon as she got in that I dig her costume and asked if she was going to a costume party or a convention, or what. She doesn’t say a word the entire drive. I figured she was pretty drunk or stoned, glad she wasn’t driving the, uh, batmobile that night, eh? Dropped her off at a hotel downtown, before she exits the car she says in a deep voice, ‘I’m Batman.’ I really wonder what she was up to that night. Who knows what would happen when she finds the Joker?”  – Gary, Indianapolis.

 

FRISKY BUSINESS

“This guy was trying really hard to impress me, kept asking if I wanted to party with him and some friends. I’m used to flirty passengers, but he was extra. We stopped at an Olive Garden and two middle aged women, probably ten years older than the guy, got in on either side of him. Things got weird quick in the backseat, they were all kissing each other and started to get handsy. I told them to save it for somewhere private. I drive them out in the suburbs and dropped them off in a church parking lot. Seriously.” – Joan, Newark.

 

SAFETY FIRST

“If a man with a sword ever tries to get in your car, make sure the sword is at least in a sheathe. I took this guy to the winter Renaissance Faire and his sword cut into my back seat’s cushion. Who walks around with a razor sharp sword for fun? Luckily he noticed what he did and we exchanged info before drop off.” – Keith, Burlington.

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